Wednesday, January 28, 2009


So I have been on vacation this week before starting my new position. I am so very excited about the new job. I am not sure what I am going to do with just the one store. I am going to enjoy the relaxed atmosphere that is just one studio. I have touched base with the studio employees and apparently someone has told them that I am a hard person to work for. This is so not true, I am not a hard person to work for if you show up and do your job and act like an adult that is. So i guess that if they want to act like children then maybe I will have to restaff so we shall see.
It will be so much fun to be back doing what I love.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

My last weekend away!

So I leave in the morning for my last weekend trip out of town for work. I am so excited about the fact that starting the 1st I will be stationary for work. No more driving 1200 miles each week, leaving before the sun comes up only to get home well after it setts. I will not miss the endless confrence calls about nothing, the neverending calls at randome times about absolutely stupid things. I will not miss being salary which onlytranslates into we pay you $.25 an hour because you are on 24-7. I will however miss some of the girls that don't work for me anymore. I have become very fond of a handful of these girls and I will keep in touch with them. They have made the day to day bullshit of my job worth it. I know that a couple of my girls read this blog and I hope you know how much you mean to me. It had been great working with you and getting to know you. you have my nimber and I will always be here for you. Keep ypur chins up work is just what we do to fund the fun stuff in life. I will miss you.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Hope begins !

So today is the last day of Bush!!!! That in and of it's self is a day worth celebrating, however the real party begins tomorrow. I am so excited to think that in less then 24 hours we will have a new president. I know that at 12:01 tomorrow nothing will change I know that there is no magic button that Obama gets to push that erases all of the stupid things that have occurred over the last 8 years. I know that as a country we have an up hill battle with our economy. BUT I also know that we now have hope. Hope that comes in the form of a man that sees all people, a man that I want to believe will see my family and recognize it as that a loving family no more no less. I think that my resolution for this year is to live my life as a proud gay woman. I will live out and proud in everything that I do. I have decided that this is the year that there is no closet for me in any aspect of my life. I now know that in America all things are possible. Tomorrow we have our first man of color taking the highest office in the land and in honor of this great accomplishment I will live my life without the closet, I will live my life without fear, and my hope is that I am able to open just one closed mind. So thank you to all those who helped usher in this new era of HOPE, and I invite those of you who didn't to embrace diversity because we aren't going anywhere and we are tired of being silenced.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


So this blog has always been a place for me to explore myself as a dyke. I use that term to encompass the whole of who I am. With this term I have always felt comfortable I have never let it be used against me as a negative. I have always thought that by claiming it as my own I took all the negativity out of it. I had never thought of the term Dyke as a term that could define a persons gender. I was told recently that I couldn't call myself a dyke because I was femme. UMMM excuse me I am a dyke what does my choice of clothing have to do with how I define myself.
It has gotten me to thinking that the L in the GLBT community seems to put a lot of emphasis on what the other members of our community wear. It seems unfair to me that we judge others by what they wear or how they feel comfortable.I know that in our house I am the one that wears the heels and the makeup, and my wife is much more relaxed and laid back in her jeans,and T's. I also know that when I first came out I wanted so much to have people look at me and just know that I was a lesbian that I tried to "butch up" my look and all that accomplished was me looking funny. I am a femme at times a high femme. I love to have my door opened, my chair pulled out and to be spoiled by my partner. In contrast my partner tells me that she loves to do these things for me. Its not that I can't do them for myself but it is nice to have her do them for me, to make me feel extra special. It wasn't until I found Sinclair Sexsmiths blog Sugarbutch cronicles that I found my niche and felt 100% comfortable with who I was. He has a way of writing about the butch femme dynamic that just hits home with me. I felt the respect and admiration for the femme in his blog and new that even though the wife and I do not necessarily prescribe to the total butch femme role play it's OK that I am attracted to and love butch women and vice versa. I have found several other butch/femme blogs and relationships through this blog and I value the understanding and camaraderie that I feel with these others. I think that it is time that we as a whole just let go and understand that we are all women who love women. No mater if they are ultra high femme in there heels and stockings or stone butch in there flannel and mullets, or they fall in the vast space somewhere in between. We all have so much more in common than we think and we just need get over labels and stereotypes. thanks for listening hope some of this made sense.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

So I Still have a Job!

So today was the day, I started my morning off as a Market Manager. I had 18 stores and 60 employees. I had to do multi store management deal with call offs for stores that were sometimes 2+ hours from my house. I also had to deal with doing schedules and the day to day bullshit of aforementioned 60 people. Now at the close of the day I am once again just a studio manager. oh whoa is me. I now only have one store and 2 employees. My new working hours are from 10 am to 6 pm. And this studio is only 20 mins from my house. I'm not sure what I will do now that I don't have to drive 1200 miles a week!!!! Oh and the best part of this whole thing they are letting me stay at my current pay. HMMMM let me think 1 store vs 18 , 2 employees vs 60 , 200 miles a week vs 1200 a week, and I get to keep my current salary and now get my commission back ummmm yeah I think I 'll take it.
I am just re leaved to have a job and the fact that I am going to be shooting more pictures makes this a Sweet deal for me this has definitely turned into a win for me.

Monday, January 12, 2009


So I remember the last time i blogged saying that I was not going to stress about my work situation. I lied i lied big time. It is starting to really get to me. I have been short with my children, short with my mother and also short with my wife. I know that stressing doesn't help but damn it is driving me crazy. I just need to know if i have a job and who I work for. I love my current boss, she is great with the whole GAY issue or should I say non gay issue. I just need to know if she is still my boss or after 8 years do I have to start proving myself all over again. I am so not sure that I am up to this, not with the same company. It would be different if I had changed jobs by choice or left for a different company. I just need to know the waiting is driving me crazy. OK enough bitching time for a drink.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

slow start to the new year

So 2009 has started off rather slow, but i think i like this pace. the wife and i have agreed to workout together and do some yoga together. This is not that big a deal with the exception that I need to lose some weight and the wife needs to bulk up. i guess that will be the usefull part of doing yoga help me slim and her bulk. Anyway we have started the year off with a slow and steady pace that seems to fit us. the wife goes back to school tomorrow the kids go back to school and i go back to work. My job is kind of up in the air and though i know that this should give me more than a few sleepless nights, it hasn't. I am good at my job and i like it but my company is going through a major restucturing and I will know in a few weeks if i still have a job or if i don't. I am taking this time to reflect and decide what i want to do. I know that we will be ok either way and if i lose my job I will go back to school. It will all work out and I have decided that stressing about it will not make it any better or worse so i will take it as it comes and move on from there. hope you all are having a wonderful year so far and that all of your wishes for the new year come true.