Lately i have been reading a lot of posts on gender expression. Although most of these posts have been from a butch prospective it has got me thinking. i am i guess what would be called a femme, a lipstick lesbian, a girly girl. I love my makeup and heels. I love to get dressed up in girly clothes. I love to smell good and I like the way that the ritual of makeup makes me feel. I do also enjoy dressing down. I love to snuggle on the couch with the wife in a comfy pair of sweats. I don't always get all dolled up, but know how to when I want to. Here is my for lack of a better word problem. I have been told over and over again that I dont look like a lesbian. Now I want to know what does a lesbian look like. I know that some women just present as such, my wife is one of those. If she were in a room of women and someone who didn't know her called her name and she stood up the first thought is ohh a lesbian. I on the other hand have to work harder to convince people that I am a lesbian. I have only been out for about 5 years and at first I was comfortable with the fact that people don't always know that I was gay, however now I have moved on to wanting to be known as a lesbian, I want people to look at me and think lesbian. I wear a rainbow beaded bracelet most of the time and I wear my wedding ring on my right hand. I know these are symbols that our community will recognise and I get the lesbian nod every once in awhile, but mostly when the wife is with me so I don't know if it's her or me they are nodding at.
I know that most of this problem is in my head and that my identity as a lesbian is not a problem. I love women and though I was married for 10+ years to a man I always knew that I liked girls. My problem is how do I get people to acknowledge that I am a lesbian on an everyday basis. I don't mind explaining myself I just hate it when I have to convince someone that not all lesbians wear flannel and have a mullet. I have tried to dress more butch, it just doesn't work for me. My wife laughs at my attempts, not because I look funny but because no matter what I can not look butch. In a baseball hat, sweat shirt,jeans and timberland boots I still scream girly, not that I mind screaming girly but come on even dressed like this I have still had to convince people that I am gay. I guess that I just want to be a visible lesbian without having to be all in your face about it. I guess that deep down I know that my identity as a lesbian is going to have to be something that I learn to except and hope that people just treat me well as who I am. I guess this will have to do until I get the courage to get the big LESBIAN tattooed on my forehead.LOL
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
A few weeks ago I did a photo shoot of the wife. I had been asking her to pose for me for awhile, and she kept telling me she would so finally on a nice Sunday we took the kids to the park and I got some great shots of her to add to my portfolio. I also submitted a few to one of my favorite bloggers and now my baby is eye candy over on sinclair sexsmith's blog. check her out.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
So my oldest 2 children go back to school on Wednesday. I can not believe that the summer is over. It seems that we just went to the last day of school picnic with E. I guess it has been 3 months I just want to know why the 3 months of summer go so fast and the 3 months of true winter seem to crawl by. That is someones idea of a joke I'm sure.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
So this week I have been on vacation. It has been wonderful to not be a slave to the alarm clock. We have done lots of fun things with the kids and taken lots of naps. We took the kids to the drive-in to see space chimps and the new mummy movie. both are worth watching and we had a good night for the movie, not to cold and babyS passed out early:). we also took the kids and went to the zoo. It was nice because it threatened to rain and not many people braved the day, so it wasn't crowded at all. we did the entire zoo in about 6 hours and saw everything the kids wanted to see. the week did start off kind of crazy baby S got a little to into the wiggles and busted his eye open on the entertainment stand so the wife and I got to spend 3 hours in the er getting his eye glued back together. He is fine just looks like he was beaten up pretty good. All in all it has been a great week and I am not looking forward to going back to work next week.