Sunday, July 5, 2009

oh what a day

So today Baby S turns 3 I guess that means that I have to stop refering to him as baby S. I can't believe that he is 3 it seems like just yesterday that we were looking for donors and planning on having a little one. It will be a low key day since we had his party earlier in the week since the older 2 are at their fathers today. Speaking of the other two I think I am going to have to be heading back to court, I sent my middle man to his father in tears today. It breaks my heart that he has to go when doesn't want to. He asked his father today if he could just stay home and of course he said no. this sent E into tears and sobs. I can't imagine telling him he had to come with me if he didn't want to. I mean I know it would break my heart to hear that come from him but I think that I could be strong enough to do what is best for him or at the least what would make him happy. K told me she only goes so E has someone there that cares about him. Neither of them want to be there and I have avoided doing anything through the courts but I think that it maybe time to see what options they have. I never wanted to come between them and their father, but it seems that for all my good intentions he has managed to alienate them himself. I know that the reason I have put this off for so long is because I don't want the court battle that I know will follow. I know he will pull the gay card and even though I know that it shouldn't have any bearing on our case I always worry that it will. That and the fact that I don't like having to explain myself or my "lifestyle" again and again and again. Oh well I know that I am just feeling sorry for myself, I guess sending your child off in tears will do that, but I can't let the day be ruined. S turns 3 today and so I will cuddle him and we shall play, we will watch kipper and blue and I will get through this just like I always do with the love of my life beside me supporting me and our children no matter what. have a great day

3 comments:

Propane Amy said...

I don't even know what to say. I feel bad for the kids. I know how they feel to an extent. Only difference is my dad never forced us to do anything we didn't want to.

And I feel bad that you are in this position. Go to a lawyer and see what they can offer you. Maybe a lawyer knows a sympathetic judge that won't let the gay issue cloud their decision. It's worth a try if nothing else.

Hang in there, sweetie. And lean on that awesome wife you have. She'll take care of you.

kimber p said...

I have some good and hopeful news for you..when I went thru the proceedings for my divorce, one of my biggest fears about the whole thing was him playing the gay card and him being able to keep my children away from me. I was assured over and over by my lawyer that it wouldn't be tolerated in any courtroom in Ohio and my sexuality had no bearing on the outcome of the divorce. let me tell you how it went in a couple of short sentences. The soon to be ex-husband didn't even have the balls to show up in court to have his ass handed to him, and he tore up his divorce papers and refused to even acknowledge it had happened. I could have taken him for everything, but all I asked for was my maiden name back and the freedom to be with my boys without the fear of being hurt by their father. I walked out of that courtroom a new person and my kids told me they were happy that it was finally over....

Dragon said...

I know how that is. On my side, my son always wants to know why dad never sees him. But told his father one day he isn't going to want to see him and I won't make him. The only reason my son wants to see his father is everytime they get together, he buys him candy and dollarstore toys and only sees him for about an hour. After that Shaun wants nothing to do with him till he needs his toy fix again. We have avoided the courts too for fear they will make me let him take shaun for the weekend and I refuse to let shaun at his house. Hold strong and I hope that works out for you. :-)